#41

I just saw my last post was almost a month ago !
Shame on me !
Well anyway I'm planning on changing that, I bought myself a new laptop *yay*
And in the meanwhile I'm still living my life as always.
Although alot has changed again in the past few months. I started to dream more to see what kind of future I want. I started to think of who I want to be and who I can be.
And I think if you believe in yourself you can be who you want to be. But it's hard, harder then alot of people think.
This way I came to one of the more Emotional lines of my project I'm working on, this is something I don't want to hold from you guys, because it's written like it could be a blogpost.
What I'm also experience is that I suffer from a writers block when I think I'm okay. It's really weird but it seems like I block anything from the real me away then.

But well I'm not going to make this a long post so here's the extract, let me know if you like it or not ( please forgive me for typo's it was written very very fast and I still haven't looked at it to correct it yet)


At times I question myself. Who am I? Is there actually anything I can do right?
Sometimes I feel like such a loser, someone who can’t do anything right, someone untalented trying to make it.
I fail to believe in myself, to convince myself that I’m actually good at some thing or just that I can do it. I only see the mistakes I made in the past, I can’t remember when I did anything right or succesfull that didn’t end failing. I guess that’s what you get when your mistakes always get pointed out but the successes I’ve known only got a “congrats” and then a “but...” and then were to be forgotten about.
I’m such a perfectionist, so afraid to fail because of that and when I do fail, or feel like I’ve failed I get very emotional and upset because the only thing I can think of is “I failed, It’s my fault” Sometimes people seem to forget that I’m only human, I can make mistakes to. I wish I was better at relativating stuff. That I would stop doubting myself.
How can I expect someone to believe in me when I can’t believe in myself.

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I’m a dreamer and that’s why I’m so vulnerable for anything negative. A dream can change into a nightmare in just a few seconds. Reversing it takes ages.
Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare and chasing my dreams is the only way out.
You can’t take a persons dream, it would be like taking their lifes, maybe it’s even worse then taking someones life. Killing dreams is killing personality.